Unrequited

"You fell in love with someone else?! Then why did you marry HER? You could’ve stopped all of this. Why did you bring her here? Did you tell her you love her is that how you got her here I’m right aren’t I? But what good will it do you and what about her did you think about her?!"

She stopped a hand covering her mouth as she looked over her brother’s shoulder. I stood in the doorway holding a tray, as I stood tears began to form in my eyes but I looked down blinking them away, when I finally looked up meeting his gaze I plastered a smile on my face and said "I’m sorry for interrupting." putting the tray down I went to walk back out of the room. As I did this they both watched me closely but there was no expression on his face but hers was one of guilt as she began to apologise " I’m sor-" she stopped as her brother interrupted her "That’s not necessary." he spoke to his sister then he turned to me "You can leave now." I left the room with my head held high. But every second of that moment burnt into memories as I felt like my heart was ripping apart when she had spoken those words. But it was something I already knew.

I saw the way he looked at her and how his eyes saw right through me, it hurt me so much then and it still hurt. All I have are the memories of before he met her when it was just the two of us when I thought he loved me, he cared so much about me then as I did for him; but it all changed after he met her. I would never say anything against her after all it wasn’t their fault, no one ever said love was planned and she is my cousin, my best friend, and she never would have done this otherwise. I still care about her but sometimes I want to tell her how much my heart aches because of her, but I couldn’t tell her anything, not anymore, not the way I used to. 

I walked up the stairs to our bedroom leaving the door open, though I knew he wouldn’t come, not until he thought I had fallen asleep. But I never slept; I couldn’t not until I knew he was there, the heat of his back as he lay beside me. Tears started filling my eyes as I began taking my clothes off and I wept silently making no sound. After I had taken my clothes off and seeing the bruises I couldn’t stop the weeping and I just stood for a few minutes with my eyes closed. Why did I cry for him? Why was I even here? because I loved him even if he no longer loved me. I knew what I had to do so I opened my eyes and he was stood in front of me just looking, his eyes intense as he watched me. I covered myself with my hands and crossing my legs over as I stood, "Put your hands down" he said with a bleak voice. It didn’t even affect him seeing me like this, but I put my hands down anyway and reached for my bedclothes, he quickly and forcefully grabbed my arm and put his head next to my ear as he said "Sleep like this". I didn’t want to, the pain of the words I’d heard earlier echoed in my head as I tried to pull my arm away, then finally he let go.

I walked towards the bed and lay beneath the covers holding the blanket over my shoulders tightly my back turned against him. I heard him move towards the bed and saw his shadow coming closer, as soon as he reached the bed he grabbed the blanket and pulled it off the bed staring down at me as I lay curled up, I looked at him and felt embarrassed as he watched me while moving closer. I went to grab the blanket but he pushed me back on to the bed his voice so soft but deep "No I don’t think so sweetheart" in his mind I knew he didn’t see me. I moved to get off the bed from the other side and he grabbed me again pinning me to the bed "Don’t make me hurt you, because I don’t want to," he said this while tightening his grip on my wrists and pressing his legs down hard on my thighs. He had changed the man I knew would never have hurt me or treated me like this; he would have held me softly telling me how much he loved me, not this. I felt scared he wasn’t who I thought he was, I didn’t know what he would do except the burning feeling in my wrist and the pain in my thighs was not near the ache I felt in my heart. 
 

I couldn’t take the pain that he had put me through, not anymore I couldn’t hold back all the memories of before and now I started screaming and crying I couldn’t stop I couldn’t pretend anymore or hide how I felt, the ache was too much.  He was on top of me just watching shocked and I saw him realise what he was doing to me, he let my hands go. "I’m sorry" he said to me looking so hard at the tears coming from my eyes. "Just don’t cry" but I couldn’t stop because he’d hurt me and my heart was aching, I loved him so much yet how could I think of him as a stranger, why was I so scared when he looked at me? I don’t understand. But I knew that I was going to leave, that I didn’t want him anymore because there was nothing left and I felt cold. It was over, because I knew she loved him back.